I haven't updated my blog in a while and aim to share all of my latest adventures shortly, however today had been a very quiet and therefore pensive day. There have been a few things swimming around in my little head recently and it might be interesting to share. Some of these thoughts are things I am learning thanks to this year and others are just little random ones provoked by songs, films, life around me etc.
My philosophy in life tends to be that everything happens for a reason, and this year seems to have highlighted why this (for me) is a good way of looking at things. I used to think things that happened to me were unfair or somehow I was being punished for something I had done. The only way to justify these things was that they were down to fate. I could not believe that some things could happen without having another purpose. Don't get me wrong I am not religious and do not really believe in a greater power, but sometimes I find myself half way down a path (a metaphorical path) and think wow how am I here and then realise it is thanks to a series of events. When I was ill a couple of months ago I started writing a novel (I was bed ridden for four whole days... and watching three series of Gossip Girl just got a little too much) and the plot all stemmed from a decision I made a long time ago. In the novel the protagonist chose the opposite of what I did and I guess the rest was just my imagination... Sometimes I like to wonder what could have happened if.
This leads me on nicely to another lesson I have learnt from a good friend of mine. She may not even realise she has helped me learn this, but I am who I am today because of what has happened to me and because of the decisions I have made. And this is not something I should ever wish to change. I like who I am today (most of the time) and if changing or removing things from my past would change that then no thank you! This sounds simple and obvious but actually admitting it and realising it is a whole other kettle of fish.
Something else I have noticed particularly during my time in Spain is that I need structure and routine in my life for me to be the best I can be. As someone recently reiterated to me 'laziness breeds laziness' and this is completely true. Writing essays in Durham seems so much easier than writing just one here. My life has always been strictly timetabled thanks to being busy at school, busy with dance and doing shows, so this year being so very not busy has shown me that this is not the way I work. Having days...weeks...months to write one essay for uni has made it hard to write it, whilst in Durham fitting essays and work into my life feels easy. I am excited about getting back to the business of life at uni, although I have also learnt to appreciate the benefits of having time off to relax and just be.
This is the fourth and final lesson I am going to talk about tonight... the fact that it is ok sometimes to just do nothing. This is a concept I had to learn in Austria when I had long evenings with only myself for company, very limited internet and Austrian TV. I have continued to learn about this here in Spain seeing as I only have 11 hours of lectures and 8 hours of teaching. Some of you may be thinking that's a lot, but compared to last year's timetable that is nothing. Actually when I consider second year I know I had a great year and loved it all, but sometimes I wonder if I had maybe done one less thing, or had one less responsibility, would I have enjoyed the things I did do slightly more. Who knows? (coming back to lesson number one about not being able to change the past!) What I do know is I am looking forward to combining what I know works well for me (the busy busy lifestyle of last year) and what I now know is not so bad, time out. I was always intimidated by silence and time to think but now I know that both of those things are necessary to process what has happened and also to maintain oneself as a sane and healthy person.
That is quite enough musing for one evening. I will leave you on one note though... laughter is certainly good for the soul. Having just laughed for an entire week with one of my closest friends I know that is exactly what I need in my life... time to laugh and giggle and gossip with my favourites :D
p.s feed the fish!!!! :P
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